The adolescent years are the time for self-discovery and defining the first version of who your youth will be. As we have talked about in previous blogs, the human brain doesn’t finish developing until a person is at least 25 years of age. Therefore, we go through many changes. Altering and becoming different versions of ourselves. Honing in on our skills and strengths.
What is Your Role in Guiding Your Youth?
The role of the parent is crucial to helping show our youth how to find their role in society and a future family. Many children without positive role models find themselves on a difficult road. Whether it be substance abuse, crime, or general poor mental health, it effects them all the same. During my time working as a corrections officer at a maximum security all male unit here in South Texas, the top regret/wish of inmates was the belief that if they had a positive male role model to show them a different way of life, they could have taken a different path. The sad truth is most of their journeys were similar no matter the different crimes committed. They were adolescents who grew up in a sub par living situation without any positive role models to help them make it through. Most of their families were broken. Their fathers went to prison, so they went to prison.It was the only life they knew. It is a cycle that CAN BE BROKEN!
Break The Cycle!
How do we break this cycle of brokenness in the crisis affecting our young men? By showing up and being present. All it takes is showing a genuine interest in your child. What gets their fire going? What are their strengths, weaknesses, dreams, fears? Getting to know your youth is priority UNO. I’m not talking about sitting around talking your young man’s ears off, because we all know that is a worn out method. Instead try exposing your youth to different hobbies.
Here Are Some Great Ideas:
- Take a walk
- Ride a bike
- Go skateboarding together
- Swimming
- Reading
- Take them out to lunch
- Family dinners
- Family game nights
Testimony Time
“Early on, Christopher wasn’t necessarily an outstanding player, but he had a great work ethic,” says Belew. “He would watch what characters in video games did and then try to emulate what he saw when we played together. He ultimately made the junior varsity team at his school, but he wanted more.
As Christopher and his dad continued to play, they looked for other competitive-play opportunities. “At that point our church, Wesley Memorial United Methodist, hired a new youth director, Nate Davis, who also happens to love basketball,” Belew says. “One thing led to another and we ended up opening the gym at the church on Saturday mornings from 8 to 10 for anyone who wanted to come play.” Initially, Belew, his son and Davis and his sons invited a few people to join them on Saturday mornings. Word spread quickly and before long they had a crowd of young adults in their 20s, high school teens and middle schoolers, male and female - all wanting to play.
In the midst of the game, Belew contends that a lot of learning takes place. “The guys all know that the gym is usually already set up for Sunday so whatever is in place has to be taken down before they can play and replaced before they leave,” Belew says. “We play hard. It is definitely competitive, but everybody gets to play. We’ve got some really talented players who teach those who are coming along. I love watching the young adults come alongside the teens to help them hone their skills.” Belew shared that a teen told him he plays basketball all over the community, but this is his favorite place to play because everybody plays hard, nobody is foul-mouthed and nobody gets angry. It’s fun...."
Changes Were Afoot
“...If you had told me we would have a bunch of young people who intentionally go to bed early on Friday night so they can get up and go play basketball for fun on Saturday morning at 8, I would have told you no way, but that’s exactly what is happening. We have a lot of fun. My personal goal is to not let them outhustle me, but all of them outplay me.” “For many of these folks, it was the only time they engaged with each other. Now, they are building relationships.” “In the midst of all of this we have the opportunity to model appropriate behavior around not just the game, but life in general,” Belew says.
“We are a very diverse crowd on Saturday mornings. For many of these folks, it was the only time they engaged with each other. Now, they are building relationships. Before we start playing, we always gather at mid-court to pray for each other and we give people the chance to share what is on their hearts. For me, and I think for my son and others, this has been life-changing on many levels.”
This Month's Action Step:
Take time out of every day to focus solely on your youth. It does not have to be hours upon hours. You will be surprised at how much of an impact just 30 minutes of bonding time will improve your child’s life in all areas.
I leave you with this idea:
It’s not about being the best player, it’s about how hard you hustle.
